Is the Child Support System Broken?

We all have a child support story to tell. Some good, some bad. Some of them work out well; some of them are horrific drawn out nightmares. 

I happened across this About.com page titled “Child Support Horror Stories” and can’t help but wonder why the system doesn’t work.  Just in the selection of user submitted story it’s appalling the situations these people find themselves in.  Even though I myself am a single mother that is not receiving child support, and am pursuing action to get my ex to pay, I’m not an “evil woman” nor am I being vengeful or trying to “get back” at my ex for anything.  Nor do I expect him to pay more than what’s fair.  He needs to take responsibility for his kids, that’s all I ask for. 

Not surprisingly there are almost as many dads struggling to get child support from mothers as there are mothers pursuing the fathers.  And you know I have a great respect for those guys.  It takes a man to stand up and be the custodial parent, when so many just don’t want the responsibility.  Thumbs up dads!

But I digress…

How can the system be so defective to allow people to pervert the system? Granted, it’s the legal system and nothing moves quickly or without issues.  But shouldn’t there be some type of reform here?  Why is it that someone who has paid their obligations in full not be receiving credit and still facing jail time?  Why should a father who never knew he had a child, because the mother never told him, be responsible for child support for all the years he never knew about the kid? 

I know people who work the system to their advantage, who lie about income, job status, property ownership etc, all to the detriment of their ex. But in the end who suffers most?  Custodial parent, non custodial parent, or the kids? 

Take a look here at just a few of the Child Support Horror Stories…

Child Support Keeps Attacking Me

My ex and I have gone back to court and we have a court order for child support. As per the order she gets the money for my children every month. Then I had a back issue and ended up on disability and fell a little behind, so we went back to court and I thought we got it all figured out. She gets an amount for both my children and the court ordered child support to only collect an additional $69.00 dollars extra for any arrange. So everything gets filed and child support right away came after me saying you have to pay it all back now or we will suspend your license and take your passport and freeze your checking account and take your state and federal taxes, as well. I said I have a court order that states that you are to only collect $69.00 dollars a month until its paid back in full. Right then the person I was talking to said to me we don't deal with court orders. We deal with Maryland law and it said I have to pay it all now. Then they took all my tax money so court orders don't matter, I guess.

—Guest not a dead beat dad

Child Support is a Joke

My fiance has a court order to pay $632 per month for one child, which has come out of his check. Since the amount ordered is so much, he got a part time job so we can support our family, too. Well, CS in FL is now taking money out of both checks. His $632 per month has turned into $1,264 per month. We call child support and they have been sending "a form" for the last two months. There has to be something that can be done. You expect me to believe that if someone has a court order to pay $632 a month and it is coming out of their paycheck for the last 9 years, if they get a second and third job, the state has a RIGHT to take the same exact amount out of each check? This is ridiculous! There are some men that are deadbeats but they get away with it. The fathers that are out there doing the right thing are the ones that have to suffer. This system is a joke!

—Guest Irritated

Child Support Ordered for 2 Adult Kids

My husband and I have been together for 25 years. He has two children by his first wife. Years ago she told him she was pregnant with his third child. He married her on May 8,1987. On July 21 the third child was born, but it was not his. She knew it was not his and only admitted it after he asked for a paternity test. She then broke up another relationship that had been married for 25 years. She married him before her divorce was final, so for the past 13 years she's been lying. The divorce decree stated that no child support or spousal support was ordered, but she took him to court. The kids are 29 and 30, and they ordered him to 12 months for not paying child support. He has always taken care of his kids, and we have two children together. But the court never took into consideration that he was disabled or had two other children under 18. Also, her children didn't live with her at the time they were being claimed. I just don't understand how some women can be so vindictive and cruel. But I am a believer in Karma.

—2ndwife

Doing What I Have to Do

I was involved with a man in an off-again, on-again thing when I became pregnant. I decided to keep my child and he was not happy about it. He constantly texted my phone with hateful messages and mean things about me having an abortion. It was so bad I had to block him from my phone for a period of time so I could finish my pregnancy in peace. My son was born in the hospital he worked in, and he didn't come visit until my mom ran into him in the hallway and talked to him. He never came around after he was born in June, so I filed a month later. He begged and pleaded for me to give him a chance to prove himself, so I did. Cut to today and I've received $250 from him total and a couple of diapers. He was stringing me along little by little, but now I'm going to file. I tried to give him a chance, but he's done nothing. He even drove with our child in the car unstrapped. My son is 7 months old! He is unfit and not contributing. I'm filing again and going all the way this time.

—Guest Fool Me No More

Common Sense

In Feb. 2012 on a petition I filed in the court (keep in mind that there was never a counter petition filed for amendment to custody), I lost custody of my children and was given supervised visitation. A year later, January 2013, I am in circuit court to appeal. The circuit court judge said I am a fit mother and should have never lost custody, but because I did and they have been in a stable home for 11 months with their father, he is keeping it that way. But I have extremely liberal visitation. Now here's the kicker: When I finally received child support from my ex it was $260 a month for two children. I pay $700 a month and only bring home may $1,900 a month. Something's got to change. I pay $700 a month in rent. $700 in child support, $100 in a cell phone bill, $50 in water, and $100 in electric every month. Do the math. The rest is gas to get back and forth to work. I don't eat. I feed my kids, however I personally cant afford food for myself. At least I have finally found out a way to lose weight without working out.

—Guest annoyed at best

Support Goes Unpaid

I am owed over $38,000. My daughter will be 18 in February. Her deadbeat dad decided to move to Canada so they wouldn't find him. Bench warrants are out and still no money. I have been paid like $2,000 total in the past 18 years. So much for getting deadbeat dads! The government and courts don't do crap about it.

—Guest tk

Screwy

Back in 2010 I got a knock on my door from a sister of a girl I knew 15 years earlier in my life. She told me that I had a son who was 14. I was in shock, so I said how do you know it's mine? Long story short, I took DNA test voluntarily. Well, the child was mine. The next thing you know the court is on me saying I owe back child support for 14 years. I went to court. She didn't get the back support because she never told me I had a kid, but the state got me for $13,000 for the welfare checks. My point is this: am I really responsible for the state's money because I could've raised the kid without welfare. Hard work helped me raise other children. I hope the child doesn't grow up thinking the world owes him something.

—Guest Philly

I Want Him to Step Up and Pay

I have a 9-month-old son. His father spent time in prison before we met. I gave him a chance, hoping for change. He had no kids, and it was my first. My whole pregnancy was bad. He was/is verbally abusive. He lost his job because of anger issues, and now he's without work but blames me. He kicked us out of his house, so I ordered child support on him, in which I've only received $30 over 7 months. I didn't want back pay. He was ordered to pay $70 a week. He can't do that, but he smokes, drinks, buys new clothing, and travels all the time. And now he's asking to claim my son on his income tax. My case worker is not doing anything to make him pay. My son's Christmas was because of me. He eats and has clothing because of me, as well as his pampers. I don't want him back in jail, just to step up and be a man, and take care of his son.

—Guest sick and tired

Child Support System is Very Flawed

My parents have full guardianship of my daughter who is now 7. They have had guardianship of her since she was only a couple months old. I was 16 when I had my daughter, and they tricked me into giving them guardianship and said it was to get her off medicaid; well fast track to now, my parents use my daughter to control me. They don't let me see her often, and they just recently took me to court for child support. I am now ordered to pay them $306.50 a month, and they didn't go after the father. Paternity was established and everything, but they only went after me. My parents have been telling me nothing but lies to get what they want from me. If I don't cooperate with them they don't let me see my daughter. They say they don't want to raise her but actions speak louder than words. I am just at my wit's end with this. Right now I am working only 1-2 days a week. I'm not complaining about the fact I have to pay child support, I just wish the courts went by your actual income -- not potential income.

—kkgirlie

OMG

I’m a mother of seven. One of the kids lives with the father, mind you. We have 4 children together. I pay child support for the one and he pays nothing for the three. I work fulltime and go to school. I have been working very hard to get off of government assistance but now I’m forced to stay on it. 200 dollars comes out of my check every 2 weeks now. I am so depressed. I understand taking care of my child, but he’s not doing anything, and the OAG is not doing anything to make him pay me something. I went from planning to buy a home and get off of welfare to not knowing if I can get off it. And I have to say in an area that will possibly affect my kids in the long run.

—Guest OAG really

My Husband the State Trooper

I married my husband in Dec. 2009 after having our son in Sept. 2009. I was 27 years old and thought that would be best for our new family. Long story, kind of short, in three years my husband lied about his finances, was having an affair with an ex, buying porn, drinking and driving with our son in the truck and his 7 year old from a previous marriage (while texting, too). My husband has been a state trooper for 8 years now and after putting his work gun in his mouth and to his forehead on several occasions I decided something had to be done for my son and my safety. After speaking to his captain, sergeants and having him investigated through BCI and IA nothing was done to protect us. I had proof of everything and handed it all over. He left us in Oct. 2011 till this day I have received no support from him and every time we go to court he is having it continued or we have suddenly been removed from the docket. I have an attorney but I'm feeling like its all politics and my son suffers.

—Tlrnva

Give the Money to My Child!

I'm a father of one kid. I pay child support. I started out in arrears because my child’s mother took out child support while we lived together and didn’t inform me. So my first appearance in court as new father, I paid the whole back amount. My daughter received none of the money. Income tax was taken and my daughter received none of the money. I’m in court; they’re calling me a deadbeat, but when I pay child support she keeps all the money and could care less if my daughter was OK. The only money my child received from the state is $380, while they kept for themselves over $7,000 dollars. I’ve been sent to jail, and they have stolen my child's money. So in not receiving any money, my child's mother closed the case and my license, credit, and freedoms are still in jeopardy. You think they help, but they just help themselves to your money.

—Guest Said I was a deadbeat

CORRUPTION = CHILD SUPPORT; It's ILLEGAL

A good friend of mine is going through a frigging NIGHTMARE, never mind it being simply a "Horror Story". Long story short . . . my friend was in court for a custody battle. He wanted to have his daughter every other week, rather than every other weekend. He’s a great dad and took great care of the baby from birth to 11 months old. But then the mother stated telling LIES along with her evil family (perjury on the witness stand, and the whole nine yards . . . She said the man was a stalker, made threats to them, all kinds of LIES, saying he brings the baby back soiled and dirty . . . just LIES on top of lies! The court places a "stay away" order on him, NO CONTACT at all with his baby, who is now 2 years old. Child Support slapped on him, he is recovering from a vehicle accident so he’s been out of work since before the baby was born. But the courts don’t care! Child support order from birth $10,000.00 in arrears they are saying he will owe and pay now. All based off of LIES by the mother, her family, and a lying lawyer!

—Guest Tianna

The Other Foot

When my ex and I separated she ignored the divorce court dates but made sure to have child support ordered on me. When I was out of work for a month, I had the sheriff's office knocking at my door within a week with a court summons. Now my ex lives in CA, where my two wonderful kids were taken from her after being found wandering the neighborhood at night (at the time, 3 yrs old and 4 years old). She shut them in their room on several occasions for long amounts of time with no restroom access or food. After I went to CA (out of pocket) and retrieved the kids from foster care I got custody. The divorce was finalized and the minimum support order for two kids was placed on my ex who was present when it was established and told the judge she would have no problem paying. Now, 3 years, over $10,000 racked in back-support, no visit attempts, my local and CA CSA still claim they can't enforce the order since she has no current or past employment. They refuse to acknowledge it as a loophole.

—Guest EC Dad

Your Check is in the Mail...

So what is a deadbeat parent exactly?  Deadbeat parents aren’t necessarily just those who don’t support their kids financially. What about the ones who do actually pay their child support but make no effort to be a part of their children’s lives?  The ones who only offer empty promises? Who never come to pick their kids up for visitation? The ones who forget birthdays and holidays?  The ones who won’t even acknowledge the kids belong to them, or who have started a new family? New wife, new kids, new life that doesn’t include your kids?  Yes, those are all deadbeats in my book.

The term “deadbeat dad” is thrown around pretty frequently these days.  But what about the deadbeat moms?  While men are frequently made out to be the villains, there is a fair share of mothers out there who take no responsibility for their children, provide no support, financially, physically, or emotionally. Those who have run off to start a new life or abandoned their children for whatever reason.  There is no age limit or gender standard.  It’s not only those in poor economical situations who refuse to support their children; I’ve seen many articles about celebrity parents not supporting their children.  What excuse could they possibly have?  

Your check is in the mail.  How many times have I heard that? Or some variation of such. How many times have any of us heard that empty promise?  Always some excuse why the money wasn’t sent, or some promise that it will arrive in the next day or two.  Or some lie why it couldn’t be paid.  

I think the worst and most elaborate excuse I ever hear from my ex was this long and drawn-out story about how his checking account was stolen, so he had to close it, and then when he made his child support payment the state posted it to the wrong account, and he was in touch with them to get it taken care and I should have money in a couple of weeks.  C’mon, really? That’s not to say that couldn't happen but I learned the hard way never trust what he said.  So I called the state and just as I suspected no such thing was happening.  No surprise; just be honest about it. 

I’d have an inking more respect (but only miniscule) if my ex told me that he couldn’t send child support because he just bought himself a new Playstation or a new computer.  And that teeny tiny miniscule ounce of respect would only come from the fact that he was honest about it.  That still wouldn’t excuse the fact that is a completely selfish purchase when his kids need new shoes, or glasses, or school clothes. 

So let’s showcase the deadbeats in our lives.  Let’s post pictures and stories and let the world know what kind of people they are.  Let’s warn anyone else that may come into contact with them, and hopefully save someone else the painful experiences we have already endured. Maybe we can even shame a few into paying.